he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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