based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
well you can't waste a boner
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
