This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We just shotgunned beers for America
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
