Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
