About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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