There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
