Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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