I swear she didn't look like that last week.
high people should be assigned attendants
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
