im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
