I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize