True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize