Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
