I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize