He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
