textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
