Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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