Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
