i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
