Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
