Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
