How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
