I love black thongs
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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