I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
