i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
