he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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