i jhust puked up my retainher.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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