Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
