The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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