I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
