if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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