how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
