I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
