dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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