3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
