I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
