How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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