Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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