i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
