I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
