he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize