Grow some girl-balls and come out already
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
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