you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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