Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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