Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
