The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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