Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
