Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
