I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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