You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So many bounce houses so little time
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
