Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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