she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
