: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
