I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Damn victory sex feels great
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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