I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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