dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
