his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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