OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
