Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
