I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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