Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
