im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
