took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
