About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
