I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
