It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
