You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
